Blue Lightning
by LaughsAtThunder
Summary: After enduring harsh punishment on Asguard, Loki returns to Earth in less then stable mental condition. He is placed under the watch of a young S.H.I.E.L.D agent, who has waded in completely over her head. While neither is happy with the situation at first, the pair soon realizes they may have more in common then they thought. - Loki x OC, No Slash.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** Wow, I'm writing fanfiction. This feels weird. So long story short, I'm kind of obsessed with Marvel and the Avengers right now and I need at outlet. This is now my outlet. If you've followed me on this website in the past (the very distant past) then you'll now that I'm prone to writers block, but reading positive reviews really helps. I love talking to my reviewers and sometimes I implement their ideas to the story, so I hope you'll be kind enough to leave a few comments. That's pretty much it. Enjoy.

A special thanks to Alyssa (aka booksnbutterfly814) for painstakingly proofreading this for me. You rock :D

**Warnings: **This story contains **OCs** (yeah I know, but there is only like two of them so calm down), **no slash** (sorry, but there will be plenty of bromace), the story takes place in the **movie-verse** (so it won't really reference mythology or the comic books), and it contains **moderately graphic torture**, **self harm**, and other **dark themes**. So... viewer discretion is advised?

**Disclaimer: **Marvel owns the Avengers. Not me. So that's a bummer.

* * *

Chapter One

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."

- Lao Tzu

* * *

_ Everything smelled like metal. That's how she knew it was happening again. She was overcome with fear, the kind that consumed her very being and sent her into a full blown panic. The kind of fear she experienced _there._ She could feel a bead of sweat dripping down her forehead; her breathing became heavy and labored. Her mouth dropped open to scream, but no sound came out. The panic grew and she trashed and kicked her legs desperately, but something was restraining them and she couldn't move. She couldn't _run_. _

_ Somewhere, in the deepest corners of her mind, she knew it was only a dream. But now, in this moment with the metallic smell surrounding her and the binds holding her in place, it felt all too real. There was no light in the room and she couldn't see anything, but she knew where she was. All of this was too familiar. _

_ She heard the noise, the awful mechanical sound that occurred before the pain. There was a flash of light and she finally managed a sound from her throat._

Hollyn Gray shot up in bed, drenched in her own sweat, screaming bloody murder.

* * *

"If I didn't know any better, I would say you're ignoring me Agent Gray," an irritated voice cut through the hazy state that was Hollyn's mind.

"Wha-?" she answered somewhat sleepily.

"I was just informing you, as well as the other new recruits, of your duties while residing at S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters," Maria Hill glared at her, arms crossed.

The group of young agents Hollyn was standing with were all watching her with wide eyes, awaiting her reaction. She felt heat rise under her cheeks.

"Oh uh, sorry. I didn't get much sleep last night," Hollyn rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly.

Hill narrowed her eyes, "As an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, you will need to be alert and ready at all times, Gray. That is what you trained for and what is expected of you."

_Well it's not like I had much of a choice in the matter now did I_? It took all of Hollyn's power not to bite back.

"Of course, Lieutenant Hill," she replied, trying to keep the bitterness out of her tone. "I apologize; you now have my full attention," she added somewhat reluctantly.

Hill nodded after a moment before continuing her speech about stations and duties. Hollyn's mind quickly drifted off again, this time to the circumstances which led to her current situation.

Hollyn Gray was born in Auburn, New Hampshire (or so she was told) and lived there for three years of her life. She didn't remember much of those years, only glimpses- a face, a room, a smile: tiny little things that she couldn't quite piece together. No, her first memories, her first _real_ memoires were of the laboratory; the laboratory that still haunted her dreams night after night, always waiting for her as soon as she closed her eyelids.

She shuttered and pushed the thoughts from her mind, not wanting to have a full blown panic attack in front of her fellow S.H.I.E.L.D agents, who were already terrified of her. Well maybe not terrified, but at least cautious. And she couldn't necessarily blame them; if there was one thing you needed to know about Hollyn Gray, it should be that she was not completely human. At least not anymore.

That's right, Hollyn Gray was an unfortunate victim of genetic experimentation. Her lips twitched slightly upwards into an almost smile. _Successful_ genetic experimentation. She had after all, been one of the lucky ones, scratch that, the _only_ lucky one. She had survived.

When S.H.I.E.L.D had stormed into the clinic where she'd been trapped her entire life, arresting all those involved in the illegal genetic testing- they hadn't been expecting to find a not so human teenager cowering in a holding cell. Naturally, S.H.I.E.L.D couldn't just _free_ the victimized girl, who had no knowledge of life outside the laboratory, with no place to go, no family, or no home to her name. Instead, she was offered a chance to train to become an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, and really, who wouldn't turn down an offer that would get you out of that hell hole?

Lieutenant Hill's voice pulled Hollyn from her thoughts, "Alright, you're dismissed. Report to your assigned stations."

_Crap. _Hollyn resisted the urge to slap her palm to her forehead. She hadn't been paying attention at all, and now had no idea what she was supposed to be doing. Her first day as an agent was turning into a disaster already.

Hill raised an eyebrow at her as the other agents darted off to their positions and Hollyn remained rooted in place, eyes flashing around frantically, "You weren't listening at all were you?"

Hollyn offered her a weak, embarrassed smile, "Um, no. I'm sorry." She hung her head slightly, her wavy brown hair covering her face.

"Well if you _had_ been listening, you would have heard me ask you to stay behind so I could speak to you privately." Hill informed.

Hollyn felt the color drain from her cheeks.

To her surprise however, Hill laughed, "Don't worry, you're not in trouble. You actually have a special assignment and you need to be briefed."

She tilted her head to the side, "Oh. A special assignment..._me_?" Hollyn asked incredulously.

She wasn't exactly the top of the class as far as S.H.I.E.L.D's newest recruits went. The twenty year old was still learning a lot, having only been freed from her imprisonment for five years.

"Yes, you." Hill confirmed, eyes lightly amused. "Does that surprise you?"

"Honestly?" Hollyn answered, "Yes."

"Agent, in the time you have been with us you have showed accelerated learning abilities that far exceed that of any human, advanced problem solving skills, and enhanced use of the senses. I'm sure you can handle any job we throw at you," Hill smirked.

"Well if you put it that way..." the younger woman grinned back, ignoring that fact that Hill had left out a major point in her list of skills, "What is this assignment?"

"It's more like babysitting detail, really," a new voice joined in.

Both women turn to see a man in dark sunglasses and a suit striding towards them, wearing a ridiculously prideful smirk on his face. Hollyn recognized him easily, even though she'd never met the man before.

"Mr. Stark," Lieutenant Hill greeted him, sounding somewhat annoyed, "I was unaware that you were coming in today."

"Yeah well, so was I until Fury called. Apparently, he doesn't think it's a good idea to leave Blondie unaccompanied in HQ after the disaster last time. I'm pretty sure they're still repairing the holes in the ceiling," Tony Stark shrugged noncommittally.

Hollyn blinked at him, she had no idea what he was talking about but it sure as hell _sounded _interesting. She kept her mouth shut, hoping he would spill more information about her special assignment.

"I can see you are doing a great job," Hill said sarcastically, gesturing to the empty air beside him. "Shouldn't you be somewhere?"

Stark scoffed, "Ah, Point Break will be fine as long as Security doesn't try to take his hammer again. You know how attached he is to that thing." He suddenly turned his attention to Hollyn, who had been watching their exchange with wide, curious eyes.

He snorts, "Seriously, _this_ is who you choose to look after Antler Brains?"

Hollyn blinked and frowned, realizing she'd been insulted but unable to defend herself because she honestly didn't know what her assignment _was_. Fortunately, Hill came to her aid.

"Agent Gray is as capable as any of our agents, not mention the abilities her genetic engineering provides," Hill stated evenly.

A look of horror flashes across Stark's face, it's quick but Hollyn spots it. "S.H.I.E.L.D is involved in _genetic engineering_?"

"Not S.H.I.E.L.D," Hollyn speaks up for the first time, because she feels obligated to defend the organization that saved her, "The clinic I was taken from was an illegal, private establishment...that happened to be funded by some corrupt individuals in the United States government," she added with a wince.

Stark acted as though he'd seen the sun for the first time, "She speaks! I was beginning to think all you could do was stand there and look like a deer in headlights." She could tell however, that he was relieved to hear that S.H.I.E.L.D _wasn't_ involved with genetic engineering.

Hollyn decides that she likes Tony Stark. Not because he's famous, or a genius, or because he's saved the world once or twice, but because he's kind of weird. And Hollyn likes weird people; the world needs more of them. Not only that, but he didn't immediately ask her what special abilities she had, as though they were some amazing gift to be treasured, as if what happened to her was, as some of the young male agents had put it, 'cool'.

She beamed at him, "Oh yeah, I speak. Just wait though, once you get me talking, you can't shut me up."

"Well then maybe you can talk Reindeer Games to death," Stark said, before patting her on the shoulder and turning to leave. "I heard there was pie in the cafeteria so I'm goanna go scope that out...as you were." He gave them an army salute before disappearing through the sliding doors of the command room.

Lieutenant Hill sighed and sent Hollyn an apologetic look, "I'm sorry about that, Stark can be-"

"It's fine," Hollyn chirped, her mood having improved from Stark's visit, "I like him. He's...interesting," she decided.

Hill looked at her like she had grown another head, but then shrugged, "Anyway as I was saying before we were interrupted- you've been given a special assignment."

Hill handed Hollyn a folder that she hadn't even noticed the lieutenant was holding, "I suspect you are familiar with the events that occurred two and a half years ago in New York City?"

"When the Avengers prevented an alien invasion? Of course, everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D knows." Hollyn's eyebrows creased as she takes the manila folder and flips it open, wondering what she could possibly be doing.

She finds the photo of a dark haired man with vivid green eyes inside. He wore a rather ridiculous set of green and gold armor which looked like it was out of a medieval times festival. She's knew the photo; she'd seen it before during her training. It had been compiled with the photos of all S.H.I.E.L.D's other enemies. Hollyn didn't bother to read any of the file before her eyes shot up to meet Hill's.

"This is Loki," she stated, even though it's obvious.

Hill simply nods.

"The, uh, God of Mischief," Hollyn added, hoping for more of a reaction.

The lieutenant sighed, "Yes, it is."

"What does this have to do with me?" She swallows nervously, getting the feeling she was about to get herself in way over her head. The file shook a bit as her hands began to tremble and she found that she couldn't read the words.

Hill seemed to sense this so she began to explain, "Loki has recently come into S.H.I.E.L.D's custody. He has served his sentence back on Asguard...where he is from," She adds, but Hollyn already knows. She's been training and studying to be an agent for five years after all, she's looked up a few things, "And apparently when given the option to stay there or return to Earth, he chose the latter."

"Why would he come back to the place he failed to conquer?" Hollyn questioned, "He isn't trying to take over again... _is he_?"

"As far as we know, he has no plans of world domination. It seems that his sentence on Asguard was not exactly..." Hill searched for a proper word, "..._pleasant_, and he didn't want to hang around. Judging by the state he arrived in, I can't say I blame him."

Hollyn looked completely exasperated, "But what does this have to do with _me_?"

"I was getting to that." Hill said, "As Loki's sentence was completed on Asguard, however brief it was, S.H.I.E.L.D has no authority to punish him further. That does not mean however, that we will be letting him do as he pleases. You are being assigned to him as a personal guard."

Hollyn felt her jaw unhinge a bit, "S-so I have to watch him at all times? To make sure he doesn't _kill_ anyone?"

Hill gave her a sympathetic smile, "Well it's not just that, it appears that Loki is a bit of a danger to himself. His brother, Thor, doesn't want him to be left alone in his current...mental state. And we've learned that it's best to do what Thor wants, as Mr. Stark mentioned earlier- we are still repairing the ceiling."

"I don't understand, I'm sorry, _I don't understand_." Hollyn felt like the world was going to stop turning, this was too much on her first day. Sure, she'd expected to guard some doorways or type on some computers, but to be assigned to personally guard a mentally unstable Norse god? That was just too crazy. "If Thor doesn't want him to be left alone, why doesn't _he_ watch him?"

"Thor is busy with his duties as a member of the Avengers," Hill stated, before adding, "And it would appear that his presence makes Loki's condition...significantly worse."

Despair sunk into Hollyn's stomach, "Why me?"

"Because this is a tough assignment. Perhaps too tough for any human to take on." Hill murmured.

Hollyn laughed, but it void of amusement, "And I'm not truly human, am I?"

To her surprise, Lieutenant Hill reached out a placed a hand on Hollyn's shoulder, "I know you can do this, Agent Gray. I wouldn't have recommended you for the job if I didn't think you could do it."

Hollyn bit her lip. Why was she so nervous? She was many things, but she wasn't a coward, "Alright, where do I report to?"

A knowing smile spread across Hill's features, "I believe the God of Thunder would like a word with you."

And with that, the little bit of confidence Hollyn had managed to scrape up went flying out the window.

* * *

The room Hollyn had been directed to was just down the hall from the command hub. As the door slid open, she was greeted by a rather interesting site. A muscular blond haired man, who looked about the size of an NFL football player, was leaned over a tiny screen that a much smaller man was showing him.

"I see." The large man said in a deep voice, "But why do the birds want to destroy the tower of bricks?" His brows were furrowed in confusion and concentration.

"Uh, I don't know." The other man said thoughtfully, "Because they are angry, I suppose."

"I see," the blonde man repeated, although it sounded as if he was only more confused.

They both looked up as Hollyn entered. The smaller man smiled in recognition, "Ah, yes Agent Gray. We've been expecting you."

"Agent Coulson," Hollyn answered with a nod, "I was told that uh...Thor wanted to speak with me about my assignment?" She shot an anxious look at the large man, who was dressed much like his brother had been in the photograph, the only difference being that Thor's armor was red and gold in color, and an extremely large hammer hung loosely in his grip.

Thor immediately straightened up, "You are the one who is to be looking after my brother?" He asks.

"Um, yes." Hollyn nodded, "That'd be me."

Agent Coulson looked between the two of them before saying, "Well I'll leave you to it then," and quickly making his exit.

The God of Thunder gave Hollyn the once over before offering a tentative smile and gesturing to the small table with two chairs, placed in the center of the small room, "I am Thor, of Asguard." He introduced himself, "It is nice to meet you, please take a seat. I wish to discuss my brother's condition."

Hollyn felt suddenly less intimidated by the clearly friendly god, "It's nice to meet you too. I'm Agent Gray, but you can call me Hollyn. May I ask what exactly is this 'condition' I keep hearing about?"

Thor sighed and ran a hand through his shaggy hair, "When I first returned to Asguard with my brother I was hoping my father would be merciful in his punishment. Loki, after all, was his son, even if not by blood."

"Wait, so is your dad, like, the king or something?" Hollyn interrupted quickly, trying to gain as much information as possible.

"Yes, my father occupies the throne." Thor confirmed, "I had hoped he would give Loki a light punishment, but it seemed that my father thought he needed something harsh. Loki's crimes were great and did not want to pardon him simply because he was his son. I tired to reason with my father, but there was no changing his mind. My brother was sentenced to two years in Asguardian prison."

Hollyn narrowed her eyes, "Two years doesn't seem so bad."_ It's not nearly as much time as I spent in the wretched clinic, _she thought darkly to herself.

Thor's blue eyes grew big, "Oh, you do not understand. Asguardian prison is a terrible place. My brother's stay there was... damaging." His eyes looked sad.

"So he's, uh, suicidal?" Hollyn avoided his gaze and scratched the back of her head nervously.

Thor swallowed thickly, "My brother had tried to end his own life once before he was sentenced to prison, but I fear his time there has made this desire stronger. I know my brother is an enemy of your planet, but you must understand he is not well in the mind. I worry greatly for his well being. I myself have tried to speak with him since his return to Miguard, but he refuses to talk to me."

Hollyn blinked in surprise, it sounded almost as if the God of Thunder was about to cry. She realized at that moment just how much Thor loved his brother. A wave of jealously hit her, she wished _she_ had someone who loved her the way Thor loved Loki.

Tentatively, she reached out a hand and placed it over his larger one, "Your brother is very lucky to have someone like you, who cares about him so much." She comforted softly.

Thor snorted bitterly, "Try telling him that."

She offered him a weak smile, "Listen, I've been given this assignment and I'm not one to back down from anything. I'm going to do my best to look after your brother, but I need you to tell me as much as you can about him."

The demigod looked up and met her gaze, his blue eyes staring into her hazel ones. Then he nodded determinedly and started from the very beginning.

* * *

**AN: **Okay, so that's Chapter One. Next chapter, we'll see Loki, and some of the other Avengers characters. Please leave a review to let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **Andddd we're back. How ya'll doing today? Thanks to everyone who has showed interest in this story so far! It's gotten a bunch of hits and alerts, I wouldn't mind a few more reviews though (hint hint, cough cough, eyebrow waggle, you get the idea) So any way here's chapter two. Same warnings apply to this chapter that applied to chapter one.

Once again thanks to my good friend booksnbutterfly814 for betaing. I love you. Seriously though, this woman puts up with my crazy tense changes. She deserves some love.

**Disclaimer: **Marvel owns the Avengers. Not me. So that's a bummer.

* * *

Chapter Two

"The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less"

- Eldridge Cleaver

* * *

"So...this is it," Hollyn stated aloud, because she couldn't think of anything else to say. She shot Agent Coulson a nervous glance, and he gave her an encouraging nod. She didn't feel any more comforted, "What if he, I don't know, attacks me or something?"

The two agents were standing outside of a holding cell in one of the lowest levels of the S.H.I.E.L.D base. Hollyn was _supposed_ to be going inside to inform the God of Mischief that he was being relocated and that she had been assigned to watch him. However, the moment Agent Coulson had stopped in front of the large metal door, she found herself unable to move.

"As I'm sure Thor told you, Loki was stripped of his powers before returning to Earth. He's as human as we- as _I_ am." Coulson caught the slip up and quickly corrected himself, but Hollyn didn't mind. She liked when people forgot about her genetic engineering. It made her feel more- normal.

"And you've been trained to handle any sort of attack a human could throw at you. I'm sure you can handle him," he continued.

"Says the guy who he almost killed," Hollyn said, raising an eyebrow at him.

Coulson flashed her a grin, "Almost."

She shook her head and returned her attention to the door. Her gut twisted violently and wished she had turned down this assignment. She knew however, that even if she was given the chance to go back in time and do just that- she wouldn't. Hollyn owed S.H.I.E.L.D dearly. They saved her life and she couldn't possibly bring herself to let them down, as much as she wished she could.

What Hollyn really wished, was that Loki could just be plain evil. This whole situation wouldn't be so scary if she could just sneer and glare at the man. But from the way Thor had spoken of him, she knew that wasn't an option. Loki was in a fragile state and she refused to make his condition worse. She refused to fail her mission.

Because she owed S.H.I.E.L.D.

And S.H.I.E.L.D owed Thor.

Hesitantly, Hollyn stepped forward and placed her hand on the electronic scanner attached to the wall. It only took a moment for the computer system to identify her as "Agent Hollyn Gray" and for the message "Access granted" to appear on the screen. The metal door slid smoothly open. She took a deep breath, giving Agent Coulson one last anxious glance over her shoulder before stepping into the small cell.

The door slid shut behind her and she tired not to panic. Everything about this situation was nerve-racking. To start, Hollyn was terribly claustrophobic. Years of living in tiny rooms and cells with no windows tended to have that effect on people. Secondly, the moment the door closed she was alone- with Loki, the ex supervillan. No pressure. As locking mechanism clicked into place behind her, she realized that she'd squeezed her eyes shut. Mentally, she berated herself for being such a coward, and forced her eyes open.

Hollyn didn't know what she had expected to find in the cell, but it certainly wasn't this. She was greeted with the sight of a plain gray walled room, with a single flickering light hanging from the ceiling. Against the far wall was a metal bench with a small, thread bare blanket folded neatly at the end of it.

The man was resting his head on the blanket as if it was a pillow, lying on his back and staring straight up at the flickering light, gaze unblinking. His hair was shorter then it had been in the photograph, but it was still shaggy and un-groomed. He was deathly pale and sported dark circles under his eyes. His frame was thin, making her wonder if he was not being fed properly or if he simply refused to eat. He wore simple clothes, a white shirt and gray pants, which hung loosely on his frame and only made him seem more malnourished.

He didn't turn to look at her as she entered, his eyes remained locked on the ceiling as he said, "I don't believe it is time for my meal yet." His voice was low and held no emotion.

She stood there stupidly, not able to force her tongue to move and formulate words. Even if she could, what would she say? "_Um hi, I just met you, and this is crazy- but I've been assigned to watch you and make sure you don't kill yourself or anyone else"_ probably wouldn't go over so well.

"Are you going to say something, or simply stand there?" He asked, sounding tired.

"Uh...hello." She managed to utter lamely.

Finally, he shifted his green eyes in her direction. He watched her for a moment before stating, "I have not seen you here before." His voice held no trace of a question, or need for an explanation; he was simply stating a fact.

"Yeah, I'm new." Hollyn said anyway, avoiding his gaze.

Loki looked as if he couldn't care less about anything in the world, "How lovely for you. Now why have you come?"

When she didn't answer right away, he pulled himself into sitting position, "I have already told you pathetic mortals everything I know, I refuse to be-" His voice was growing steadily louder.

"I'm not here to interrogate you!" She interrupted in alarm, throwing her hands up in a nonthreatening display.

His eyes narrowed, but his posture relaxed slightly, "Then tell me," He sneered, "Why are you disturbing me?"

"_Disturbing you from what, _ceiling gazing_? I'm so _terribly_ sorry." _Hollyn wanted to say sarcastically, but she instead said, "You're being relocated."

That must have surprised him because his eyes widened a bit and his mouth opened slightly, but no words came out. He sat like that for a few seconds before he shook his head and regained his composure, "To where exactly? Another one of your cells?" He asked sounding bitter.

"No, no more cells. You're going to live off base, I haven't been told where yet," she admitted, hoping he would at least a little enthusiastic about getting out of this tiny excuse for a room, she knew she was.

To her dismay, Loki flopped back down onto the bench, "I would prefer to stay here," he said dully.

She blinked at him in shock, "You can't be serious. You want to stay _here_, in this little cell?" She asked incredulously, "Wouldn't you rather be somewhere else?"

"I don't desire to be anywhere," he answered emotionlessly.

_Right, suicidal. _Hollyn pursed her lips, "Look, I'm sorry to hear that, but this isn't exactly a choice."

He slowly turned his head to look at her with an unreadable expression, "Of course it isn't." He sounded almost..._sad_.

She sighed, "If you don't come with me, they're just going to drag you out."

Loki made a face, "We wouldn't want that now, would we? For what do I have left other then my dignity- or were you mortals planning on taking that away as well?"

"All I want from you is your cooperation." Hollyn murmured quietly.

"Well seeing as you asked so _nicely_." He pulled himself up from the bench. Once on his feet he swayed, some of the limited color he had leaving his face. Hollyn reached out a hand to steady him but he smacked it away, "_Don't touch me_." His voice wasn't loud, but Hollyn visibly recoiled from the tone. He sounded angry and threatening, but underneath it she recognized something else- fear.

"I'm sorry; I didn't want you to hurt yourself." She assures him softly.

Loki snorted, as if what she'd said was ridiculous, but doesn't comment.

Hollyn swallows, "Alright then, follow me."

* * *

"You're going to love this place Hollyn." Coulson sent her a smile through the rearview mirror, "It's right on the beach. Have you ever been?"

"No I haven't. I've always wanted too though," Hollyn answered, wishing she could be more excited, because she _had_ always wanted to visit the beach. Growing up in the laboratory caused her to miss out on many human experiences. She just wished she could be going under more relaxing circumstances. As the S.H.I.E.L.D Escalade drove towards it's destination of Wildwood, New Jersey, Hollyn risked a glance at the man beside her.

Loki had been surprisingly civil so far, not complaining once since they left his cell or when informed that Hollyn had been assigned as his personal guard. In fact, Loki hadn't spoken at all. Hollyn wondered which should be more worrying. Part of her wanted to talk to him, because she was curious what he thought of all this, but somehow it felt wrong to do so with others in the car. The once powerful god was currently looking out the window, face impassive.

Coulson was still rattling off information about their new living conditions when she tuned back in, "- in the Victorian style, it was recently renovated. And it's in a great location, the boardwalk is only a few miles away and everything you need; supermarkets, shopping centers, restaurants- are all within walking distance."

"That's great," Hollyn replied and forced a smile, "But I, uh, don't have any money."

"That's not a problem," Coulson chuckled, "Now that you're officially an agent on your first assignment, you'll be earning a salary. Your account has already been set up, and your pay will be automatically transferred into it each month."

He dug into his pocket and pulled out a small card, "Here this is yours, buy whatever you need. I wouldn't worry about maxing it out; S.H.I.E.L.D pays its agents well."

Hollyn reached out and took the card from him, turning it over several times in her hands. She doesn't say it out loud but she's _thrilled_ because she's never had something that's belonged to her before- just her.

"Thanks," is all she said when she finally spoke up, "I'll put it to good use."

Suddenly the car rolled to a stop, and the big man with sunglasses who was driving the car commanded in a deep voice, "We're here, everybody out."

Hollyn scrambled out of the car eagerly, excited at the prospect of stretching her legs. Loki followed lethargically, looking as pale and tired as ever. They found themselves in a nicely paved driveway that led up to the single most beautiful house Hollyn had ever seen.

It wasn't big, but what it lacked in size it made up for in character. As Coulson had said, it was clearly a Victorian style home; in all its steep roof, bay window, decorative glory. The house was a pretty sky blue with white trim framing the doors and windows leading into a quaint looking front porch.

The girl hadn't realized she'd been gaping at it until Loki muttered to her, "You should shut your mouth before it catches flies. It's simply a house." He brushed past her more roughly then necessary, and followed Coulson and the other agent who was leading the way up the stairs of the porch.

_Well won't he be_ fun_ to live with, _part of her growled with irritation. Another more reasonable part chided her, _you have to be patient with him; he's been through a lot. _So with that she shrugged and said, "I know, doesn't mean I can't appreciate its beauty," and followed him into the house.

The inside was just as impressive as the outside. Wide panel wood floors, large spiraling staircase, tall ceilings- whoever renovated this place had done an amazing job. Agent Coulson was speaking about the house again, "-state of the art kitchen and appliances, you shouldn't have any trouble. There are two bedrooms upstairs with an adjoining bathroom and balcony. The back of the house opens right up to the beach, and the property goes all the way to the water."

Loki took a quick glance at his surrounding before whisking up the staircase. A moment later a slam of a door sounded throughout the house. Hollyn winced, hoping there wasn't anything potential dangerous up there.

Coulson must have caught the look on her face because he quickly assured her, "Anything that he could use to hurt himself has been removed from the house, by Thor's request. The only things you have to worry about are the mirrors in the bathroom, which is shared, and the kitchen knifes, which are in a locked cabinet."

Hollyn let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, "Okay good."

"I think that's everything you need to know." Coulson said, taking one last glance around, "I'll leave you to get settled. Oh, I almost forgot!" He practically hit himself on the head, "Here are the keys. This one's for the front door, this one's for the back, this one's for any of the locked cabinets or closets in the house, and that's for the shed out back."

He placed the set of keys in Hollyn's hand and her fingers closed around them, "Thank you for everything Agent Coulson," she said politely.

"You are welcome Agent Gray." He motioned upstairs with his hand, "If you need any help with him, you know where to call. S.H.I.E.L.D will be checking in with you every so often," He gave her a small smile before adding, "Good luck."

Hollyn sighed, "I'm going to need it."

She watched from the window as Coulson and the other agent pulled out of the driveway and disappeared up the road. Then she was completely alone in the house, with the God of Mischief upstairs. Hollyn ran a hand through her hair, wondering what to do next. Finally, she decided to explore the rest of the house.

Hollyn started with the kitchen, which had way more appliances then she knew how to use. She was so used to having food cooked for her while she trained with S.H.I.E.L.D. She rubbed her temples feeling a headache coming on- she was going to need a cook book.

She searched through some kitchen drawers until she found a scrap of paper and a dull pencil, it wasn't great but it would do. She scribbled at the top of the paper "Shopping List" and underneath it added a bullet with "cookbook" next to it. Vaguely, she wondered if Loki could cook. She seriously doubted it, he'd been raised as a prince after all, and surely he was used to having servants cook his meals for him.

Next she opened the pantry and refrigerator, frowning when she found both empty. She added "groceries" to her shopping list, before making her way up the grand staircase.

The top of the staircase opened up into a small sitting area, with soft chairs and a small table. It would probably be a good place to read, so she added "books" to her list. Reading seemed like something Loki might like; it was silent and independent- which was exactly how he'd been acting all day.

On the left and right wall of the room were two doors. The door on the right wall was shut tightly, and she assumed that Loki had chosen that room as his own. Hollyn bit her lip thoughtfully, wondering if she should go in and check on him but quickly decided against it. Loki clearly wanted to be alone.

So instead, she made her way to the open door on the left. The bed room was spacious and simple, but she loved it. The walls were a soft purple hue and the bedspread white and fluffy looking. She stole a glance into the shared bathroom that connected their rooms and noted that Loki hadn't failed to shut that entrance to his room as well.

Then she turned and noticed the back wall had two French doors. Sunlight was streaming in through them, creating pretty patterns across the wooden floors. Curious, Hollyn padded over to them and opened them, stepping outside.

She was immediately hit with warm salty air. Hollyn lifted one hand up and shaded her face, from here she could see the small yard behind the house that extended to the beach and out to the ocean. A small childish giggle escaped her lips, and she couldn't help it. She had never seen the ocean before, at least not in person. She was in utter awe, of the vast blue water that seemed to expand forever into the horizon.

Hollyn didn't know how long she'd been standing there, taking in the view before a growling noise interrupted her. At first she jumped, before realizing it had only been her own stomach. She started to walk inside, to get something from the kitchen, but then she remembered there was no food there. Looking down at her wrist, she checked the small watch she always wore. It was only noon.

She tried not to think about what she was doing as she made her way to Loki's door. Surely, he didn't want to come shopping with her, but there really wasn't any other option. He might be content to sit inside and starve himself while there were staying here, but that wasn't about to fly with her. If Loki thought Hollyn was going to sit on her butt, indoors, while living in one of the most famous beach towns in America, he was in for a rude awakening.

"LOKI! COME OUT, WE'RE GOING SHOPPING!" She shouted as she rapped on the door.

At first there was no answer, but then the door cracked open and a pair of green eye glared at her, "I would rather endure my fall from Asguard a hundred more times then going _"shopping"_ with a mortal." He said icily.

"That's too bad, because you're coming," Hollyn stated calmly.

"I think not," he replied back, defiantly.

"You're coming," Hollyn repeated, "You kind of have to; it's my job to watch you at all times, and I'm going to the store. Ergo, you have to accompany me."

"No," he said stubbornly.

Hollyn groaned and rubbed her temples, "Look buddy, we can do this the easy way- or the hard way, where I drag your ass out of there kicking and screaming. As you've mentioned early today, you're fond of your dignity. If you want to maintain any of that, I suggest you come out of there."

"I trained as an Asguardian warrior for thousands of years." Loki sniffed, "I highly doubt a _human woman_ could bring me to do anything against my will."

He was lying, Hollyn could tell. She knew what he was doing; he was pushing the limits, seeing how much he could get away with. Seeing if she could stop him at all. _So_ if that's the way he wanted to play it, fine. She could play this game all day.

With all her might she kicked the door, it went flying open and Loki stumbled back in surprise, "First thing you should know about me, is that I'm not human."

Loki's eyes grew wide.

"The second thing is:_ we're going shopping_." She turned and made her way down the stairs, not looking back to know he had followed her.

* * *

**AN:** Tada! There is chapter two! I know I said last chapter that we'd see some of the other Avengers, but I cut that part out because it didn't have much to do with the plot (but you got Coulson and Loki, so that's something). Next chapter we'll see Loki and Hollyn's shopping trip and they'll get to know each other a little better. Don't forget to review!


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **Wow, I got so many nice reviews last chapter! Thanks so much! You guys totally make me want to keep going! Keep it up please, the reviews make my day! So here's the next chapter. Some of it is written in Loki's point of view this time! I hope you guys like it! Same warnings apply and all that yadayada.

I would like to thank Alyssa, for betaing again. (I know it's tedious but you love me)

**Disclaimer: **Marvel owns the Avengers. Not me. So that's a bummer.

* * *

Chapter Three

"I always feel sorry for people who think more about a rainy day ahead than sunshine today"

- Rae Foley

* * *

The sun was shining ridiculously high in the sky, and naturally right in Loki's eyes, causing him to squint at the fast moving figure ahead of him. They had only left the house for a few minutes and she hadn't stopped_ talking_. Part of him suspected that she was only keeping up her babbling in attempt to make him feel more at ease, but he just found it irritating. It didn't help that nothing she said made any sense.

"First we need to get something to eat. I'm sure there's a burger joint around here someplace- then, once I'm not staving anymore, we should go grocery shopping. Wait no; we should go grocery shopping last, so the food doesn't spoil in this heat. So we'll go clothes shopping first, because you can't keep wearing that," she motioned to his current state of attire flippantly, "I mean seriously, aren't you hot in those pants? We need to get you some shorts. Oh and a bathing suit, for the beach. Then after that we can find a book store- you have to remind me to buy a cookbook, and _then_ we'll go grocery shopping."

There were a lot of things in her little monologue that he didn't understand. For example, what in Valhalla was a _burger_? What was wrong with wearing pants? Surely, pants were an adequate form of apparel for humans; he'd seen many people wearing them that last time he was on Miguard. And of course the most confusing thing of all, why would anyone want to wear a _suit_ while _bathing_? That couldn't be comfortable. Mortals were bizarre creatures.

He refused, however, to ask any of these questions. His pride simply wouldn't allow it. Loki wasn't planning on spending much more time on this pathetic excuse for a planet anyway.

"Do you ever shut up?" Loki asked dully, as he followed her down the side walk.

"Hey, I'm just informing you of the plan," she shrugged, "And maybe I wouldn't be talking so much if you contributed to the conversation a bit."

"I have no desire to converse with my mortal captors," he said simply.

"Fine, then I'll just keep talking to myself." Agent Gray sent him a grin over her shoulder, "You clearly enjoy hearing the sound of my voice."

Loki wanted to bash his head against a wall. He used to be a _prince,_ yet here he was, being forced to spend his time in the company of an irritating mortal woman.

_But you're not a prince anymore, _that voice in the back of his mind whispered sinisterly. _They don't want you on Asguard anymore, you're a traitor and a monster. No one wants you, that's why you're stuck here. _Loki shivered involuntarily, even though it was sweltering out; he hated that voice.

"Uh, you okay back there?" Agent Gray had stopped and turned to look at him, one eyebrow raised in question.

"What?" He asked, forcing himself to ignore the voice and focus on reality.

"You just stopped walking all of a sudden," Gray informed him, looking slightly concerned, "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine." He hissed.

She held her hands up, "Alright, alright. Just checking," she turned and continued walking, "Are you as hungry as I am? I'm starved."

Loki replied, against his better judgment, "You keep saying that, but you are clearly well fed."

Agent Gray gave him a weird look, "It's just an expression," She looked as though she was about to say more, when her attention was taken by something else, "Ah look! Perfect!" She exclaimed and motioned ahead of them with an open hand.

The building in front of them was small and sported a hand painted sign that read, "Mel's Burgers and Shakes." There didn't appear to be an entrance to the eatery, simply a large open window where one ordered, with tables scattered outside. Agent Gray hoped up to the window eagerly, her eyes scanning over the menu that hung above it.

"What are you gonna get? I'm thinking a milkshake sounds pretty good." She said conversationally, as Loki came to stand next to her.

Loki made a face at the menu in disgust, "I have little knowledge of Midguardian cuisine and no desire to expand it."

Gray rolled her eyes, "Oh get over yourself. You have to eat _something_."

_No I don't. _He thought bitterly, thinking about the time he'd spent at S.H.I.E.L.D's headquarters. They'd brought him disgusting 'prison food' (as the guards called it when he complained) and after a while he simply refused to eat it. No one had cared then, so why should Agent Gray?

A teenage girl with her blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail came up to the window and asked Gray what she'd like to order.

"A cheeseburger with no onions and vanilla milkshake, please." She requested politely, her eyes shifted over to Loki questioningly. When he showed no signs of responding she sighed and added, "Make that two."

The girl behind the counter was busy tapping away on a strange machine with a keypad. It didn't seem as high-tech as the computers he'd seen at S.H.I.E.L.D, and he wondered to himself what it was. Not that he was going to ask.

When the girl finished typing, she looked up, "That will be 20 dollars please. Will you be paying with cash or credit?"

"Credit!" Agent Gray said a bit too enthusiastically, as she reached into her pocket and pulled out the small plastic card. She handed it over to the cashier, who seemed a bit confused as to why she was so eager to be paying.

"It's my first credit card." Gray explained happily, as the girl swiped the card through the machine on the counter.

"Oh," the blonde girl smiled, "That's exciting," she handed the card back to Gray.

For the life of him, Loki couldn't understand why letting someone else hold a plastic card for a few moments was a proper form of payment. Didn't mortals want something better in exchange for their goods? Then again, mortals weren't the brightest of beings.

Their food arrived a few minutes later on a tray. Agent Gray lifted it easily with one hand and thanked the cashier before heading over to sit at an unoccupied table. Loki followed and sat across from her, propping his arm up on his elbow and resting his head in his hand. He yawned, rubbed his eyes.

"Well, aren't you a sorry sight." Gray chuckled, "You could do with some sugar." She grabbed one of the Styrofoam cups off the tray and slid it across the table to him, "Here drink this, you'll feel better."

Loki gave it a doubtful look.

"Please tell me you know how to use a straw." The woman sounded a bit scandalized.

"I _am_ capable of drinking from straw!" He snapped, appalled.

She blinked at him, "Well then stop staring at it like it's poisoned or something. It's a milkshake- you know; ice cream and milk mixed together?"

He frowned slightly, "No, I am not familiar."

Suddenly, Gray doubled over laughing. Loki reeled back bit in surprise, feeling offended, "What, pray tell, is so humorous?" He ground out through clenched teeth.

Gray wiped a tear from her eye, "N-nothing really. It's just t-that you remind me so much of myself, when I first got out of captivity."

_Captivity? _Loki narrowed his eyes, _what is she talking about? Surely she was not being held captive by S.H.I. ?_

Agent Gray must have sensed his confusion as she stopped laughing, because she waved a hand dismissively and said, "It's a long story, I'll tell you some other time," she jabbed a finger at the milkshake, "Seriously though, try it. It's sweet and cold, good for a hot day like today. I promise it's delicious."

She took a deep sip of her own, as if to prove it.

He told himself that it was only because she'd keep nagging him if he didn't, not because he was in the least bit curious, that caused him to lift the drink and take a sip. And it _was_ good, not that he'd ever admit it to Gray. It felt soft and refreshing on his tongue, and it was indeed sweet. Without a doubt it was the best thing he'd ingested in a very long time. Loki didn't tell Gray this, but she smiled knowingly as he continued to sip from the cup.

They sat in silence for awhile, before she said abruptly, "I'm Agent Hollyn Gray, by the way."

Loki looked up from his drink in confusion.

"I mean, you probably already figured that out," she shrugged, "But I never properly introduced myself. You can just call me Hollyn."

He didn't meet her gaze, but he said quietly, "I am Loki," even though she already knew.

* * *

"So, I wouldn't suppose you know anything about cooking?" Hollyn massaged the back of her neck and shot Loki a questioning glance.

"Not at all." He replied fluidly.

She let out a long sigh, visibly deflating, "Okay. Well, the both of us are intelligent people. This shouldn't be too hard, right?"

Loki just stared at her, without responding.

"I'm looking for a little back up here, buddy. You could at least pretend." Hollyn rolled her eyes and grabbed a shopping cart, before making her way inside the supermarket. Loki followed her wordlessly.

To her surprise, her day with the God of Mischief hadn't been so bad. After they ate lunch, they'd gone to a small clothing shop a few blocks away. It had been hard to find a store that sold normal clothes and not those overly priced t-shirts tourists went crazy over (and so help her, she refused to dress like a tourist).

Loki had been less then thrilled at the prospect of trying on clothes, but after a few threats to his hair, Hollyn had managed to get him in a dressing room with some shorts. Apparently they didn't have shorts on Aguard, because Loki didn't seem to understand their purpose.

"_Why waste the material to make pants that are much to small for any normal human being?" Loki had made an unimpressed face as Hollyn held up a pair of kakis._

_ "That's not the point; people like to wear these because it's cooler." She explained._

_ "If you think I worry about following your silly mortal trends-" He began._

_ Hollyn groaned inwardly, "Not_ that_ kind of cool, Loki. I meant that it's more comfortable to wear them in hot temperatures, because there is less fabric."_

_ "It is hot out today and I'm wearing pants. I see no need to buy these...shorts." Loki insisted smoothly._

_ "Don't lie to me," Hollyn snapped, shoving the shorts at him, "You we're sweating like a bitch out there in sun. Now go try these on, while I look for something else."_

_ He stomped off to the dressing room, grumbling something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "Ridiculous woman." _

You didn't even need to get her started on the bathing suits. It took her at least ten minutes to explain to him that bathing suits were for swimming, not for bathing, and they were in fact not suits, just shorts made from water resistant fabric.

The bookstore, had been much more Loki's speed. In fact, the moment they stepped through the doors of the dusty little shop, he seemed to physically relax. Sort of like the way Hollyn felt relaxed when she was around animals. "In their element," as some might say.

She allowed Loki more time then necessary to pick out the books he wanted, because she simply didn't have the heart to drag him out of there. He seemed much less menacing and angry in that bookshop. His expression changed from his usual passive or sometimes irritated expression into something almost innocent and childlike.

So, she found an almanac filled with information about different species of animals and a silent back corner to sit in while she waited for Loki to be finished. She didn't really read much of it, much more content to admire the pictures and maps. She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there, when he returned with a huge stack of books.

_Hollyn laughed lightly, "Loki, you're not going to be able to carry all those books, as well as the other shopping bags."_

_ "I can manage," he insisted stubbornly._

_ "Really now?" She pulled herself to her feet, and placed the almanac on top of his pile. This caused the entire stack to crash to the ground._

_ Loki frowned, "Well, I suppose I can put some back." He muttered, but she could tell he was disappointed._

_ And for some reason that really bothered Hollyn. She didn't know why she cared so much, that he couldn't have all his books. Maybe it was because for the first time since she'd met him, he actually seemed interested in something. _

_ She felt guilt gnawing at her stomach and she kicked herself mentally, "Well- maybe we can go back to the house first and drop everything off- before we go grocery shopping."_

_ He actually seemed to brighten at that. So that's what they did. When they arrived back at the house and she was shelving the many books on an empty bookcase in the sitting room, she remembered she hadn't picked up a cookbook. She wanted to smack herself, when she froze and read the title of the book she was about to shelve. "Home Cooking for Beginners." _

_ A laugh escaped her throat; she'd have to thank Loki for that later._

Now, as they walked through the small supermarket a few blocks from the house, Hollyn kept the book tucked underneath her arm, "So, I figure the best way to go about this is to find ingredients for a good chunk of these recipes, that way we'll have a lot of options."

She stopped and opened the book, skimming through the pages. It seemed most of the recipes called for milk, butter, eggs, sugar, salt, flour, and a meat of some kind. That seemed easy enough.

Hollyn turned to Loki, "I think this will go faster if we spilt up, do you think you can find some milk, butter, and eggs? It should be over there by the refrigerated section. You'll know you're getting close because it will get freezing. Get two percent milk, because that fat free stuff is gross and make sure you get white eggs. Oh and while you're over there get some ice cream! Mint Chocolate Chip is my favorite, but Cookie Dough is good too-" Loki was making that face he made when Hollyn started talking too much so she quickly finished, "-or you could pick out something you wanted."

"I suppose I can look." Loki said indifferently and walked off in the direction she'd pointed to.

Once he was gone, Hollyn busied herself with filling the cart. She started with ingredients she'd need for the cookbook recipes. She picked up some ground meet and chicken, as well as flour, sugar, salt, and breadcrumbs. Then she moved onto other more fool proof food items. She threw several different cereals into her cart, chips, crackers, and other snacks. She even added a couple packages of Ramen noodles, because worst comes to worst and it turned out neither of them could cook, they at least wouldn't starve.

Loki had been gone for a while and she was about to go looking for him, when he returned, the things she'd asked for in tow. She was about to ask if he had any trouble finding anything, when she notices the slightly traumatized look on his face.

"You alright?" Hollyn ventured cautiously.

"You better enjoy that milk," He growled bitterly, "I had to battle a wretched old woman for it."

Hollyn's eyes grew wide, "Loki, you _fought _an old lady?"

He snorted, "No, she attacked me. With a cane. I was simply minding my own business. It seems she really desired the last 'two percent' milk."

She continued to stare at him incredulously, "Are we in any danger of getting kicked out of the store?"

"I don't believe so," Loki mumbled, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar, "Unless that woman manages to get her rolling machine out of the corner I stuck her in."

And she can't help it, she really can't- but she laughed. Because all she could picture in Loki, shoving a crazy old lady with a cane into a corner- while she screamed at him for being a 'whippersnapper' and tried to whack him with a cane.

Now it's Loki's turn to look incredulous, "You're...are you...not mad at me?"

Hollyn managed to stop giggling, "No, but we should pay and get out the hell out of here before the cops show up."

Then something amazing happened, and Hollyn swore to herself she would never forget it, but Loki actually _smiled_. A real smile, however brief it was. Not one of those wicked looking smirks she'd seen him make in the photographs. It was a real genuinely bemused smile. It lit up his features and made he seem younger and more alive then he'd seemed the entire day. It disappeared as quickly as it came, replaced by his usual detached expression, and Hollyn found herself wishing he'd smile more.

They left the supermarket and made a break for the house as soon as the cops pulled into the parking lot. An entire day out on the town with the God of Chaos and the cops only showed up once. Not a bad day, Hollyn figured.

* * *

**AN: **This chapter was really fun to write. It was cool to write from depressed Loki's point of view, as opposed to upbeat Hollyn. Also it's always fun to confuse Loki or Thor with Midguardian culture. I hope you guys liked it. Let me know what you think! I always worry about keeping Loki in character, so if you guys have an opinion on how I did/how I can improve, let me know. Okay I'm going to go now. (Please review, pretty please).


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **Thanks for all the reviews and alerts everyone! Keep them coming! I'm sorry this update took longer than usual. Updates may be a bit spread out from now on because I'm going to be really busy. So I apologize in advance. So...remember the warnings I mentioned before chapter one? Well, um, they apply heavily to this chapter.

Alyssa, my beta, was actually not able to proof-read this chapter seeing as she is on vacation. So if there are more mistakes then usual, I'm sorry. I did my best to proof read on my own.

**Disclaimer: **Marvel owns the Avengers. Not me. So that's a bummer.

* * *

Chapter Four

"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds."  
― Laurell K. Hamilton

* * *

It had been about a week since Hollyn and Loki first arrived at the house when it happened.

Honestly, she had no idea what caused it- triggered it- whatever the terminology for that kind of thing was. Life at the house had been going rather smoothly. They ate their meals together and made small talk (well more like Hollyn talked while Loki listened silently, all the while glaring at her), then Loki would disappear into his room with one of his books- only to reappear when he was hungry or when Hollyn dragged him out to accompany her to the store.

Loki had seemed better, at least a little bit. He was still pale and sported dark circles under his eyes, but he was eating and had put on some weight. He even assisted Hollyn in cooking once or twice (although it was only if only to show her the proper way, and why didn't she read the instructions in the cookbook like a normal person?). Though he hadn't offered another real smile, Hollyn was confident he was at least making progress.

She had been out on her morning run along the shoreline of the ocean. Hollyn always got up early, just as the sun was rising and the beach patrons hadn't yet arrived. Her runs were one of her favorite things about living there. It was always calming and she loved the way her bare feet felt in the wet sand. It was one of the only times she ever left Loki alone (even though she wasn't supposed too), because no matter how many times she asked he refused to come along. Most of the time he was still asleep when she returned anyway.

She was wondering to herself, as she opened the back door to the house, what she should make for breakfast that day. Her thoughts stopped immediately when she stepped into the kitchen.

Blood.

All over the counter and the floor.

It created a gruesome red trail into the living room. Hollyn had to cover her mouth with one hand and grip her stomach tightly with the other to prevent herself from vomiting. She was unable to react further for a few minutes as her brain processed what it was seeing.

Someone was hurt. Someone was bleeding. There was only one other person who lived in that house. Loki. Loki was hurt. Loki was bleeding.

"Loki?" She called uselessly, receiving no answer. Forcing her legs to move, Hollyn scrambled around the corner and into the living room.

The sight she was greeted with would forever haunt her. Loki was leaned against the back of the sofa, with one hand pressed to his neck. Blood dripped out between his fingers, creating a sticky mess on his shirt and the back of the couch. His eyes were wide, fearful, and brimming with tears. He was looking straight at her, although he didn't seem to really see her. At his side, just within his reach, was a bloodied kitchen knife.

Hollyn opened her mouth to scream, but no sound escaped her lips. Horror gripped her as she rushed to his side. How had he even _gotten _a kitchen knife?

She rushed over and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Loki!"

His pupils dilated a bit, and he finally seemed to notice her. He opened his mouth to respond, which resulted in the coughing up of blood. The panic in his face increased and some of the tears slipped over the brim of his eyes.

"Shit, Loki." Hollyn whispered to herself, brain desperately trying to remember what to do in a situation like this, "What did you _do_ to yourself?" Although her answer was right in front of her, clear as day.

Loki managed to cough out some terribly wet sounding words, "Cut. Shaking. Missed. Coward."

"Okay, okay." Hollyn felt sweat running down her face, she needed to do something, _fast_. Without thinking further, she ripped off the bottom half of her shirt. She gently removed Loki's bloodied hand from his neck and pressed the fabric onto the wound. At first he winced at her touch, but then his body relaxed. Hollyn reached for his hand again, replacing her hold on the bloodied cloth with his.

"Alright," She said shakily, "You keep applying pressure to that. I'm going to go call for help."

He nodded slowly, his eyes beginning to get that distant look again. She hated leaving the room, even if it was only for a few minutes, to sprint into the kitchen and grab the phone. She didn't know if she could call for an ambulance. She hadn't a clue if Loki had identification and files on earth. For all the United States knew, he might not even exist. How do you explain that to the authorities who were demanding to know who he was and why he had a neck wound? So she did the only thing she could think to do.

The phone was ringing in the ear piece as she returned to Loki, who was in the same position as she'd left him in. She squatted down to his level and grabbed his open hand, giving it a tight squeeze, because she honestly couldn't think of anything else she could do to help. How did you comfort a dying man, who had just failed a suicide attempt?

"Who are you, and how did you get this number?" A familiar voice sounded in her ear.

"Agent Coulson!" Hollyn could almost cry, she was so relieved when he picked up.

"...Agent Gray?" He questioned, sounding surprised.

"Something- something happened. Loki he- I only left _for a few minutes_. He- I don't know- somehow he got a _knife_. He's going to- if he doesn't get help soon- I don't know if he'll-" She stuttered hysterically.

"Say no more Agent Gray, I've got help on the way." Coulson replied, "Keep him where he his."

"Thank you, Coulson." Hollyn breathed out just before the line went dead. She tossed the phone aside carelessly, returning her full attention to the bleeding mess in front of her. Loki was staring off into space, eyes glazed over, body trembling.

Hollyn gave his hand another squeeze, "Loki. Loki, come on. Look at me."

Watery green eyes blinked up to met hers, "Hollyn?" He rasps weakly.

Some part of her mind realized that this was the first time he's ever called her by her first name, but she wasn't going to waste time pondering what that meant, "Yes, it's me. Help is coming, okay Loki? They're going to be here soon and everything is going to be okay. You're going to be okay."

"Didn't want this." He grunted painfully, "Just wanted. To be over. Hurts too much."

"I know." She soothed, "It's going to be alright." She hoped it would be alright.

She didn't know how long she sat there, covered in his blood, holding his hand and murmuring as many calming things as she could think of, before the door burst open and a medical team flooded in. She scrambled out of the way to let them do their job, but watched with wide anxious eyes, as they took over.

"Agent Gray." A voice behind her caused her to physically jump.

She spun around quickly, "Agent Coulson, you're here! I didn't know you were coming."

"I had to follow up on the phone call of course, you sounded quite distressed." He gestured to where the medics were currently stitching up Loki's neck, "With good reason, I can see."

Quite_ distressed?_ Hollyn thought incredulously. _Is he joking? I'm beyond distressed. My entire stomach is a ball of stress, to the point I think might throw up. I can't stop shaking, I'm so stressed. I'm freaking covered in my own sweat. _Quite_ doesn't about sum it up._

However the only thing she's able to respond numbly is, "Yeah."

"Do you have any idea what caused this?" Coulson prompted, "Did something happen that drove him to do this?"

Hollyn ran a hand roughly through her hair and exhaled heavily, "I don't know. I wasn't here, I was out on a run- I know I shouldn't have left him alone, but he usually doesn't even come out of his room until hours later. I don't even know how he got the knife! I mean they're in a locked cabinet and the keys are- I left the keys on the counter. I'm so s_tupid_!" She was ranting, breathing raggedly.

Coulson placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "It's alright, Agent Gray. Mistakes happen, and this certainly wasn't your fault. No one is going to blame you for this."

Her eyes widened, "But my assignment was to look after him! It's only been a week and I'm failing already! I promised Thor- _Thor_! He's going to be so upset! He's going to come down here and beat the crap out of me with his hammer! He's going to-"

"Agent Gray!" Coulson interrupted.

Hollyn managed to stop herself midsentence, but her mind was still spinning rapidly.

"Now, you've been through out in the past hour. You need to take a deep breath and relax. Loki is going to be alright, these medics are the best in the world. Don't beat yourself up over this. You have a hard job, S.H.I.E.L.D knows that, _Thor_ knows that. No one blames you for what Loki did today. You reacted admirably to the situation at hand, and you have not failed."

As his words sank in, she nodded, heart rate finally decreasing. A medic suddenly appeared at her side and handed her a small orange canister, "What's this?" She asked.

"Medicine for the pain." The man replied, "He can take one pill every six hours."

"One pill. Six hours," Hollyn repeated the words, committing them to memory, "Got it."

"He passed out during the surgery," the man gestured to Loki's current unconscious form, leaned against the couch, while the medics cleaned up their instruments around him, "Should we move him somewhere?"

"Yeah, his bedroom is up the stairs, first door on the right." Hollyn replied tiredly.

The medics lifted Loki and carried him up the stairs and out of sight, Hollyn followed them with her eyes the whole time, wondering what would happen when Loki woke up.

* * *

_Pain._

Throbbing, stinging, uncontrollable pain was the first thing Loki's brain processed when he resurfaced from his unconsciousness. He reached a hand to his neck wearily, only to feel a soft padded covering on the spot where the pain emanated. He bit down on his lower lip and tired to think of something other than the searing, bubbling pain that crawled through his body. He tired to remember what had happened.

He'd woken early, because of a nightmare. Another nightmare. Although this one hadn't been just a dream, but a memory. A much too vivid memory of his time in Aguardian prison. He was being beaten by the guards, a common occurrence. However it wasn't the blows to his body that wounded him so. It was the words.

Yes, the words. The ones that reminded him that he was a failure, and an outcast, and a monster. That he was unwanted and unloved. That if Thor or his adopted "family" had truly loved him, they would have visited by now. That he should have died when he first fell from the Bifrost, and _why hadn't he_?

Loki had woken up desperate to escape the words in anyway he could, and he _knew_ where the knives were kept, and the keys were lying right _there_. It was all so easy, and yet his hands had shaken as he brought the knife to his throat and caused his slice to miss it's target, instead creating a deep, bleeding incision along his neck. Because somewhere, some small part of his mind still wanted to live.

_You are so pathetic, you can't even kill yourself properly. _That hated voice in his head whispered. _Some god you are._

He forced himself to ignore the taunting, sinister voice, whom he knew only spoke the truth, and tired to remember what had occurred next.

His memory was fuzzy, after the cut. He had managed somehow to crawl into the living room, (his goal had been the stairs, where maybe he could call up to Hollyn for help, but he hadn't made it) and collapse against the sofa. He was there for a long time, before she found him. She was speaking to him, but he couldn't make out what she was saying over the screaming of his body, and everything had been so blurry and dizzying.

She given him something to slow the bleeding, and she'd spoken to him a few more times, but he couldn't recall what she'd said. But she'd stayed with him, and he knew once she found him, that he'd be okay.

Part of him loathed her, for helping him, and not just leaving him to die there on the floor. Couldn't she see that's what he _wanted_? The other part couldn't believe she'd even tried to save him. Why should she care if he died? He was a hated criminal who'd once attempted to conquer her planet. She should have pulled up a chair and sipped tea while he bleed out on her living room floor- not comfort him.

Actually, apart from her threats to kick his ass when he didn't come out of his room, she was always nice too him. She smiled at him, bought him things, and made sure he ate. To be honest, Hollyn Gray had him completely baffled.

Loki's head began to pound from thinking through the pain and he moaned loudly. There had to be some way to stop this agony. If he still had his magic, he'd be able to sooth the pain with a simple spell, but he was mortal now. He was worthless.

Suddenly there was a knock on his door. He pulled himself up into sitting position and called, "What do you want now?" He hated how scratchy and weak his voice sounded.

The door cracked open just enough for Hollyn to stick her head in and look at him, "Hey, uh, I heard you. It sounded like you're hurting pretty bad. The doctor gave me some medication for that, I mean, if you wanted it."

"You heard me?" He asked dryly.

"I've kind of been waiting for you to wake up." She admitted sheepishly, "I've been sitting outside your door for hours."

"Lovely." Loki muttered, "This 'medication'...it will lesson the pain?"

Hollyn took that as an invitation to enter, pushing the door open and making her way to the foot of his bed. She plopped down and began unscrewing the cap of a small orange container.

"Yup." She said brightly, "You just have to swallow one of these little pills. Just don't chew it."

She spilled one small white circle into the palm of her hand and held it out to him. He eyed it suspiciously, wondering how something so tiny could possibly aid in the ridding of his anguish.

"It will help, trust me." Hollyn promised, pushing her hand closer.

A fresh wave of pain surged through Loki had that moment, and it was all he needed to snatched the pill from her and throw it into his mouth. It highly uncomfortable going down his throat, but Loki didn't care.

Hollyn blinked in surprise, "Wow, I was going to offer you water to take it with, but okay."

Loki ignored her comment, "Why'd you do it?"

"Do what?" She asked, sounding lost.

"Why didn't you just let me die? It would have been easier for you. Surely you do not wish to spend your every waking moment watching me? You would have been reassigned, and I would be dead. Everyone would have been happier." He snapped bitterly.

Hollyn looked moderately horrified, "Don't say things that Loki, I don't want you dead."

"Why not?" His voice was getting louder, but he couldn't control it, "You should hate me!"

"Well I don't." She sighed.

"You should, everyone else does." He said miserably.

"That's not true. Your brother loves you." Hollyn offered.

His nostrils flared and with as much venom as he could possibly muster he growled, "He is _not_ my brother."

Hollyn just sighed, seemly unfazed by his reaction, "Look, I'm sorry I wasn't there this morning. If I had been there, none of this would have happened. If I hadn't left those stupid keys out, this wouldn't have happened."

Loki's brows furrowed in confusion. He had not expected this.

"You...blame...yourself?" He couldn't wrap his mind around it.

"You're sick Loki." Hollyn murmured, "You're never supposed to leave a sick person alone."

"Gods do not get sick." Loki said silently.

"We all get sick Loki, even gods." She replied sadly.

They sat in silence for a long time and Loki almost wanted to send her away. He didn't like having other people around him, people who hated him and saw him as nothing. But Hollyn seemed different for some reason, so he let her stay.

After a while he felt the need to speak, "You should not blame yourself for what happened today. It was my doing."

It was an apology and a thanks, even if the words didn't say it. Hollyn seemed to understand this because the shock was evident in her face. She answered carefully, "I don't like to see people get hurt. It brings back bad memories."

Loki knew better then to ask her what these memoires were, so instead he promised, "It will not happen again."

And then, in that moment, he actually meant it.

* * *

**AN:** Yeah, so that chapter was pretty dark. I promise the next one will be lighter! Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing! Please let me know what you think about this chapter! Ideas and constructive criticisms are always welcome!


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